Where to start: Many couples planning on getting married want to have a unique and personal wedding ceremony but haven’t a clue where to begin. Often a bride and groom tell me they are not religious but are very spiritual, and they want a ceremony that reflects this. Or a couple from differing religious traditions will say they want something that honors both. Or conversely, they might ask for a ceremony that uses no religious language whatsoever. Some couples tell me that they are deeply connected to nature and want their wedding to reflect that particular sensibility.

Waterside ceremonies: The time of year and location, whether inside (church or country club) or outside (beach or hilltop), are all factors in crafting a wedding. Beach weddings are popular here and couples often integrate rituals or readings connected to the sea. One such ritual is a Sand Ceremony, where the bride and groom each pour sand, sometimes differently colored, into a common vessel – this symbolizes both their individuality and their commitment to an inseparable union. Another way is to mark the processional path with shells and beach stones, as one couple did using beach treasures they had gathered during their courtship. For a beach-themed wedding ceremony, I often select a reading from Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s book Gift from the Sea (Pantheon, 1955). In one memorable seaside wedding, we simply stood for a few moments in silence and listened to the sounds of the wind and the waves, and then I invoked the blessings and riches of the planetary elements of wind, air, water, and fire upon the couple entering marriage.

Writing vows: Many couples want to write their own marriage vows. Here again, the variations and opportunities are infinite. One tip for creating your own vows is to write love letters to each other or each make a list of those traits and quirks that you cherish in the other. From that, you both can create statements that honor your individuality now – but allow room to grow and change in the future. One couple I worked with last year, Mary Hatch and Kevin Stange, spoke of friendship as well as their love. They each cherished the ability to make the other laugh, and above all they valued the honesty and trust that was the foundation of their relationship and what had sustained them during times of stress.

Here’s the result: Mary, you are my best friend. You support me and encourage me, and you give me strength even when I’m too stubborn to realize I need it. Honesty and integrity are the cornerstones of our relationship and will be the building blocks of our future. As your husband, I promise to be kind and gentle with you and to always give you the respect you deserve. I promise to see the humor in life, particularly when things are difficult. I will work with you and grow with you, and I will always put our relationship first. Most importantly, I promise to never ever give up on us. I trust you and love you with all my heart. These are the things I promise to you, today and always.

Kevin, you are my best friend. You support me, encourage me, and give me strength. I value the honesty and trust we have between us. As your wife, I promise to be your strength, even when you don’t realize you need it. I promise to be kind and gentle with you and to always give you the respect you deserve. I promise to see the humor in life, particularly when things are difficult. I will work with you and grow with you, and I will always put our relationship first. Most importantly, I promise to never ever give up on us. These are the things I promise to you, today and always.

Consider this: Whoever and however you marry, your wedding ceremony will be a turning point in your life and a reflection of all that you both are and hope to be. Give it the time and thought you both deserve.